Can you be friends with your ex? How can you be friends with your ex? How can it even start? Where will it end up? I need answers and I need it fast. My judgement needs questioning when it comes to my own love life. I guess everyone's on the same page on that one.
At a car ride stuck in traffic I asked my girlfriends this question. They all said that no you can't. Cus its either the both of you still have feelings for each other to hang out or maybe because the both of you never really loved each other so you could be friends. My question was shady cus it was personal. I tend to be shady when I talk about my infamous love life.
Lately my ex and I started talking again for the first time in years. We've recently had the chance to bumped in to each other in a coffee shop near my place. Well we didn't accidentally bumped in to each other because we had this random and long conversation and said that we'll both be there just to hang and it's not because its tuesday and thats our thing. We went there together and tried to catch up. It sounds like a predicament but its not.
Seeing him again doesn't really give me the old spark that I used have. Its strange. I'm usually the one who gives up after seeing a person that I used to date/love. But in that day I became a totally different person. Maybe because the first meet was not awkward as I thought it would be. There was no weird and awful conversations that I tend to do when I'm feeling awkward. It was pretty casual. We said our hi and hellos and peck on the cheek and went ahead to have coffee and catch up.
Then in the middle of reminiscing and indulging from our past we ended up talking about what happend to us after our break up. That was interesting cus we had our fair shares of mistakes when we were still dating. I was very young and he had issues with it. Maybe I have issues with my age too, but the *bleep* was good and we ended it smoothly.
It was then that I felt good again when I'm with him. Everything just mesh well. Our conversation and oh did I mention we kissed? It's not only a peck on the cheek. We made out big time. He said he missed it. Our all time favorite making out after parting our ways. That was our dirty little secret. He was my dirty little secret.
After 2 weeks of hanging out and making out (insert giggles here), I started having old feelings coming back from the dead. I keep telling myself that this weren't ment to happen or even start again. It hit me that seeing him was a wrong idea in the first place. This is Loves101. It's on my handbook of life. It will always come back from its grave. Now I know that in the back of my mind that there's a reason why I agreed on this kind of rendezvous. Old feeling never comeback, because it never went away. The saga continues...
I will never master the art of friendship with my ex when there's romance involved. There is no way I can keep this to myself when I meet him again. How can I even face him knowing that I might have feelings for him. I don't even know why he agreed on seeing me again? Wait... why did he? Far more questions started rambling on my mind. There must be a reason...
That night when I was my own personal shrink I asked if I could meet him. You can tell how anxious I was after my self revelation. Waiting for his reply was awful but meeting him was dreadful... I feel like throwing up those pizza I just ate.
Inside the teashop where we met. The best awkward moment of my life happened. The awkward silence after my utter most humiliation of admitting my deepest thoughts. He was just there listening and saying "okay" after that. After the 5 minutes of awkward silence. I walked out. When I get angry and feel like there no reason for me to stay I walk out. I was stupidly waiting for his reply, screaming in my mind "DONT JUST SIT THERE and tell reason why he even tried to meet up with me again?!"
Okay I get it. I understand not being in the same level with me but not saying something is rude. That's just rude. I came there and ate my ego just to tell him that I'm having this old feelings coming back when all he can say is "OKAY"? Come on man? Are you serious? You're to blame for this feelings coming back. I was perfectly happy when we we'rent seeing each other didn't I?
Four days after that, you know what happened to me? I got dumped! Dumped left on the side of the road dead. (Not technically but emotionally) With no EGO and just a text message saying you're dumped! DUMPED by the guy that you used to date but not anymore. We we'rent even dating yet I still managed to get myself dumped. ARE YOU F*CKING KIDDING ME?
I'm putting him on blast for this reason. Don't dump people via text message. If you aren't into it anymore and my "feelings" is too much for you just call me and say "Hey, I'm not into it anymore, and I know its gonna hurt your feelings but I'm not on the same page as you" Just like that! Have the decency and respect after you swap spit with a human being and tell your reasons why. Why you must end it. Not just a shady text saying "We cant see each other anymore, I'm sorry" Cus that's just wrong man.
Well I have a message for you @$$h0L3...
You are getting away with some bad nonsense because text message allows you to hide behind your auto correct like a... ₱U$$¥! Otherwise just man up! If you're gonna break things up be a man about it. So there will be no angry bitch jumping on the internet and putting you on a blast! Because what you did was mean and shady! And on top of that, you weren't even a good kisser... Honestly you need practice. Who am I to judge ya? I kept all your flaws to myself, you're welcome. Until now...
So I guess we're... done? Now you're not just my ex, you're the ex fucked me up more than once.
P.S. - Thanks for the flowers. :)
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Dear reader,
Forgive me for spazzing out. I just can't help the bitterness crawling inside of me. I wrote the first part of the blog separately that why my mood changed at the end. I hope you understand. Thank you.
xo Manic Pixie
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